Self-Care or Selfishness?

Recently I got a massage. Most people would think that was no big deal. Good for you. But it was a really big move for me because I have seen it as an example of something luxurious that rich women who are focused on themselves do. I don’t mean that in a judgmental way, though I know it sounds like it! But I was just a nobody and that was something special, something to treat yourself with. I have always had a problem with treating myself. God has delivered me from low self-esteem, but even after being delivered you often have to deal with the outlying side effects or old habit patterns.

If you’ve ever traveled on an airplane, you have heard the spiel about putting on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else, even a child, put theirs on. That was really hard for me. My first instinct is to put it on the child (and probably make sure everyone around me had theirs on first) before putting my own on. It just seemed selfish to me to take care of myself first. But the principle is correct. How can you take care of others if you are dead? You can’t. I submit that many Christian women struggle with this like I have. We are taught that we must take care of our husband’s needs, our children’s needs, our community’s needs in order to be a “good” Christian.

Long time ago when I first got saved there was a popular saying that I have heard many times since. It was an acronym for JOY: Jesus, Others, then You. That sounds so religious and “nice” but here’s how I heard it: Do good things for God first, do things for others next, then you are always last place. For the most part, by the time I did good things for God and did good things for others, there was nothing left to give to myself. That is NOT how God wants it to be! Yes, God comes first. But not what you do for God (church activities, serving others, etc.). Your relationship with God needs to come first. As I spend time with God throughout my day, my heart becomes full enough to give to others.

There is a subtle lie that comes with that thought of putting others before yourself. No, I am not condoning selfishness. As believers, we need to have our hearts open to the hurting world around us. How else will they know and experience God’s love and His peace? So, yes, in a sense, we have to put others before ourselves. We think of and help those in need as God leads us. But to think that we can never have enough time, energy, or love for ourselves, that we must always give that time, energy, and love to others first and foremost leads to us shriveling up and dying inside. Just as if we gave our oxygen masks to everyone else but never put ours on. If we are not taking care of our body, disease and poor health will keep us from fulfilling what God wants us to do on this earth. If we are not taking care of our soul (feeding our mind, will, and emotions) we can become so dry that depression and despair can overtake us or we can become bitter and angry.

Time with God fills our joy cup, our spirit. When our joy cup is full and overflowing, we have His joy, His love, His peace to give to others. The biggest way your cup gets filled is time reading the Word of God, praying, praising, fellowshipping with Him. But I believe you have to fill your soul cup, also. For each person this will be different. Going to the nearby outdoor water feature, watching children play and hearing their laughter, and yes, getting a massage – those things feed my soul. You will have other things that feed your soul. Doing those things to feed our soul is not selfish – unless we only do what feeds our soul and we never think of God or others.

So, I encourage you to take time to fill your own cup. Spend time reading God’s Word, listening to Praise and Worship music, praying and talking to God to fill and renew your spirit. He will show you ways to love on and minister to others. And He will show you how to also fill your soul and take care of yourself. Then you will have His joy, His love, and His peace to share with those around you. Be blessed today!