Conflict

Just the word itself feels a little uncomfortable, doesn’t it? We normally don’t like conflict. Many people will do everything they can to avoid it. But is it inherently bad?

The Living Webster Encyclopedic Dictionary defines conflict as “a fight, struggle, or combat; a controversy or quarrel; active opposition; strife or incompatibility”. When I was in high school, I was in Debate and Speech. At a Debate competition we would have to be able to debate from both sides. In other words, sometimes we would have to for and sometimes we would have to be against. We had to research all the ins and outs of the topic before the competition so we would be ready. We had to look at the pros and cons. This taught me that there is usually more than one side to most things.

Some people avoid conflict entirely. They give in over and over again until they just no longer can. Then it’s a total blow up or they just leave the relationship. Some people refuse to listen to any other side but their own. Some people act like “you’re right – I’m terrible.” Some break down in tears at any mention that they are not right. Some blow up in anger. None of these reactions are correct.

As a Christian, I can still often see both sides of things. And while I may understand why you feel the way you do or act the way you do, if God said it, that is my final authority and that’s where it ends for me. I will still love you. I strive to understand where you’re coming from, but I choose God’s Word over yours.

The book of Proverbs has a lot to say about correction. Many people don’t like to be corrected. I can’t say it’s my favorite thing for sure. But I would much rather have God correct me than to let me continue on a path that will eventually lead to some level of destruction in my life. A young child would usually prefer candy to a balanced meal, but if their parent allowed them to choose candy every single time, that is not love. It may avoid a conflict for the moment, but it would not be good for the child in the long run.

Now, I’m not saying go looking for conflict, but I am saying, don’t be afraid of it. When conflict comes to you, stop and make a determination. Are they correct? Do I need to make some changes? Have I done something that I should not have done? If you have, determine then and there to repent and change. But if you haven’t, don’t internalize the conflict. Don’t assume you are in the wrong. It’s okay to stand up for yourself or your beliefs. But God requires that we do it in love. Not so the other person knows how we feel. Not so everyone around us is afraid to say anything because we will lambast them with our opinion or belittle them for their beliefs.

Whatever happened with agreeing to disagree? There may be some topics that we just differ on. That doesn’t mean we have to change each other in order to be validated. My heart would be grieved when I used to be on Facebook and I would see people say, “If you don’t agree with me then just unfriend me now!” Okay. So you don’t want to learn the other side of things? You’d rather go on in ignorance all throughout your life thinking you and only you are right? You’re not willing to listen to anyone who doesn’t think you are100% correct? No thanks.

I have some strong opinions. But that doesn’t mean you have to agree with me all the time or that I am not open to learning. That would be utter foolishness. I want to continually be learning all of my life. I know I do not know everything. So go ahead and tell me your side of things. I will listen, weigh it against God’s Word, then decide if it is an area where we can find some agreement. There may be topics that we will never agree on. Fine. But I know there are other areas where we can agree. Let’s build on our similarities and respect each other’s differences.